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Penis Nickname *

Required for personalized fixing. Your penis responds better to its name.

On a scale of 1-10, how broken is your penis? *

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Standard Shipping

4-6 weeks. Your penis can wait.

$9.99

Express Shipping

2-3 business days. For the impatient penis.

$29.99

🚁 Emergency Airdrop

We're already on our way. Look up.

$299.99

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This isn't real. There is no Penis Fixer 3000. We made the whole thing up.

But honestly? We're glad you made it this far. That takes commitment. Your penis would be proud.

Your penis is probably fine.

If your penis actually does need medical attention, please see a real doctor. We cannot stress this enough. We are not doctors. We built a joke website. Please do not email us about your penis.

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